 fortune index all fortunes
| | #6193 | | A blind rabbit was hopping through the woods, tripping over logs and crashing
into trees. At the same time, a blind snake was slithering through the same
forest, with identical results. They chanced to collide head-on in a clearing.
"Please excuse me, sir, I'm blind and I bumped into you accidentally,"
apologized the rabbit.
"That's quite all right," replied the snake, "I have the same
problem!"
"All my life I've been wondering what I am," said the rabbit, "Do
you think you could help me find out?"
"I'll try," said the snake. He gently coiled himself around the
rabbit. "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have a little fluffy tail
and long ears. You're... hmmm... you're probably a bunny rabbit!"
"Great!" said the rabbit. "Thanks, I really owe you one!"
"Well," replied the snake, "I don't know what I am, either. Do you
suppose you could try and tell me?"
The rabbit ran his paws all over the snake. "Well, you're low, cold
and slimey..." And, as he ran one paw underneath the snake, "and you have
no balls. You must be an attorney!"
| | | #6194 | | A certain old cat had made his home in the alley behind Gabe's bar for some
time, subsisting on scraps and occasional handouts from the bartender. One
evening, emboldened by hunger, the feline attempted to follow Gabe through
the back door. Regrettably, only the his body had made it through when
the door slammed shut, severing the cat's tail at its base. This proved too
much for the old creature, who looked sadly at Gabe and expired on the spot.
Gabe put the carcass back out in the alley and went back to business.
The mandatory closing time arrived and Gabe was in the process of locking up
after the last customers had gone. Approaching the back door he was startled
to see an apparition of the old cat mournfully holding its severed tail out,
silently pleading for Gabe to put the tail back on its corpse so that it could
go on to the kitty afterworld complete.
Gabe shook his head sadly and said to the ghost, "I can't. You know
the law -- no retailing spirits after 2:00 AM."
| | | #6195 | | A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats.
-- Ben Franklin
| | | #6196 | | A doctor was stranded with a lawyer in a leaky life raft in shark-infested
waters. The doctor tried to swim ashore but was eaten by the sharks. The
lawyer, however, swam safely past the bloodthirsty sharks. "Professional
courtesy," he explained.
| | | #6197 | | A Dublin lawyer died in poverty and many barristers of the city subscribed to
a fund for his funeral. The Lord Chief Justice of Orbury was asked to donate
a shilling. "Only a shilling?" exclaimed the man. "Only a shilling to bury
an attorney? Here's a guinea; go and bury twenty of them."
| | | #6198 | | A friend of mine won't get a divorce, because he hates lawyers more than he
hates his wife.
| | | #6199 | | A grade school teacher was asking students what their parents did
for a living. "Tim, you be first," she said. "What does your mother do
all day?"
Tim stood up and proudly said, "She's a doctor."
"That's wonderful. How about you, Amie?"
Amie shyly stood up, scuffed her feet and said, "My father is a
mailman."
"Thank you, Amie," said the teacher. "What about your father, Billy?"
Billy proudly stood up and announced, "My daddy plays piano in a
whorehouse."
The teacher was aghast and promptly changed the subject to geography.
Later that day she went to Billy's house and rang the bell. Billy's father
answered the door. The teacher explained what his son had said and demanded
an explanation.
Billy's father replied, "Well, I'm really an attorney. But how do
you explain a thing like that to a seven-year-old child?"
| | | #6200 | | A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked to add 2 and 2.
The housewife replied, "Four!".
The accountant said, "It's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures
through my spread sheet one more time."
The lawyer pulled the drapes, dimmed the lights and asked in a
hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
| | | #6201 | | A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
-- Robert Frost
| | | #6202 | | A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had
made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he
would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the
lawyer.
"Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this
state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However,
I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer'', if that would be okay."
"But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer.
"Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it
and exclaim, "That's Strange!"
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